Therapy for Men's Concerns

Are you often feeling angry and irritable?

Have you been taught that men shouldn't express their feelings or maybe even that men do not feel hurt, scared, sad, or even should not cry?

Many men reach out for therapy for these same issues, you are not alone.

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Do you bottle up feelings that have been painful or difficult to express?

Is it difficult to describe how you feel or to express it when asked?

Do others see you frustrated or annoyed more often than usual?

Feeling like this is too much.

We understand what you are going through.

When you are ready, we are here for you.

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Does this sound like you?

Irritable, Frustrated, Angry
Avoid people questioning you
Shut down when asked what you are feeling
Notice all these things in your body, but can't name it or express it
Your friends and loved ones say they tip toe around you
Thoughts or behaviors that interfere with work, family, or relationships
A need for alcohol or drugs to help you cope and get through the day
Difficulty concentrating, feeling restless, or on edge
Sadness or hopelessness
Suicidal thoughts
Noticeable changes in mood, energy level, or appetite
Struggles with intimacy and affection

If you answered yes, you are not alone. All humans, men included, experience mental health symptoms at one time or another.

Men struggle with anxiety, depression, stress, relationship issues, and work-related problems, just like other people. However, the thought of seeking help, especially from a therapist or counselor, can be uncomfortable, and you may wonder if it's even worthwhile. You may worry about being judged or stigmatized for seeking therapy, or feel like you have to bear the weight of your problems alone.

And.... I know what you may be thinking.

“Help, especially from a ‘shrink’, is uncomfortable, weak, and pointless.”

“How could telling a therapist how I feel help me not feel as bad?”

Or maybe, “Everyone relies on me. I can’t talk to a therapist.”

Many people, especially men, who haven’t talked with a therapist before struggle with the same thoughts. Historically, society expected men to not express emotions - unless it was anger - and to not talk about how they feel. However, society's expectations of men, including their partner's expectations, are changing. Men are expected to be able to identify and express their emotions, to express their thoughts and desires, and engage in non-stereotyped gender roles.

Suggestions from others to try therapy have sounded like a lot to confront. Deciding to bear the weight of problems alone again doesn’t work like it used to. It used to be easier to keep things to yourself by bottling up the increasingly intense feelings, not admitting them to anyone else, and trying to hide them from your mind as best you can. The problem has only gotten worse and it’s hard to not feel terrible or to keep it to yourself any more.

From the outside, those close to you may see you growing increasingly angry, irritable, or frustrated, with a short fuse that catches easily when things don’t go your way. You might see it in yourself, but find it difficult to stop from making demands of others or to prevent the intense irritations that spill over when things don’t turn out as you think they should. The criticisms from your partner, family, or friends, don’t help, but they do communicate, loud and clear, the need to make a change.

You don't need to carry the weight of guilt, shame, and anger with you anymore. We can help.

Take the first step in feeling better

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How will Therapy help?

Therapy for men offers a wealth of benefits. First and foremost you'll develop a trusting relationship with a therapist who will work with you collaboratively to develop personalized strategies for achieving your goals. In therapy, you will develop tools to approach your thoughts, feelings, and actions in new and helpful ways. You and your therapist will work together to identify and address unhelpful patterns in your specific situation. By overcoming common cognitive traps, you'll be able to avoid the misdirection of your mental energies into guilt, shame, and other emotional dead ends.

Therapy will also help you cultivate a sharper sense of self-awareness, allowing you to realign your actions with your values and achieve your personal and professional goals. You'll gain a keen grasp of the way emotions function in communication with others, and how you can harness your strengths of thought to attune to others more effectively. Last, but surely not least, you will regain confidence in yourself!

Uncertain about starting therapy?

Uncertainty about starting therapy is a common concern people have when considering whether or not to start therapy. Of course attitudes toward therapy vary between people and cultures, but beyond fear there are many valid questions about the use and effectiveness of therapy in resolving your concerns.

Help, especially from a ‘shrink’, is weak, uncomfortable, and pointless.

A therapist might be better thought of as a consultant. As any other consultant, the therapist has a professional knowledge of the ways that thought, belief, emotion, and action function to come together into the patterns that shape a person’s life. In therapy, the process can be one that is directed by the therapist, but it is more effective when you direct it through a clear communication of the areas of difficulty you have encountered, what you have done to address it, and what you envision your desired outcome to be. Should you struggle to have these ideas clearly defined, your therapist will engage with you in the clarifications needed to make good use of your time, developing strategies for change along the way.

How could telling a therapist how I feel help me not feel as bad?

Therapy is commonly thought to be an arrangement in which a person only talks through their emotion while the therapist nods or adds the occasional utterance, signaling the expectation for the client to talk through the remainder of their hour together. This cliché does a real disservice to the value of a therapeutic working relationship. While analyzing emotions directly is useful at points in the process, it is by no means the whole story. Emotions are only one piece of this puzzle, albeit an important one, but those emotions are shaped by our thoughts, beliefs, and actions. A therapist can help you cut the time it takes to reach your self-improvement goals, which frequently involve changes in one of these areas. As you might seek knowledge and guidance in other areas throughout your life, so too does the therapeutic process offer a chance to collaborate with a professional in the realm of life as a whole, to advance your goals of personal growth.

I need to be the one that has it together. I can’t talk to a therapist.

Understandably you may feel responsible for the happiness, well-being, and safety of the special people in your life. Being a reliable, protective presence in the lives of others is an immensely important role to play. We all need someone to lean on at times. Even when it can be difficult to admit to ourselves or when we think they won’t be able to “solve” the problem we face, we benefit from the perspective of others. Perhaps you have been that person for someone else when they found themselves in a complex situation, facing choices that seemed impossible to make. Your perspective, guidance, and show of genuine concern for their working through the troubles in their way is very much like the kind of conversation you would find talking with a therapist.