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Therapy for Men's Concerns

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Do you bottle up feelings that have been painful or difficult to express?

 

Is it difficult to describe how you feel or to express it when asked?

 

Do others see you frustrated or annoyed more often than usual?

We are here for you.

“Healing may not be so much about getting better, as about letting go of everything that isn't you - all of the expectations, all of the beliefs - and becoming who you are. — Rachel Naomi Remen

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Does this sound like you?

  • Irritable, Frustrated, Angry

  • Avoid people questioning you

  • Shut down when asked what you are feeling

  • Notice all these things in your body, but can't name it or express it

  • Your friends and loved ones say they tip toe around you

  • Thoughts or behaviors that interfere with work, family, or relationships

  • A need for alcohol or drugs to help you cope and get through the day

  • Difficulty concentrating, feeling restless, or on edge

  • Sadness or hopelessness

  • Suicidal thoughts

  • Noticeable changes in mood, energy level, or appetite

  • Struggles with intimacy and affection

If you answered yes, you are not alone

And.... I know what you may be thinking. 

“Help, especially from a ‘shrink’, is uncomfortable, weak, and pointless.” 

“How could telling a therapist how I feel help me not feel as bad?” 

Or maybe, “Everyone relies on me. I can’t talk to a therapist.”


Many people, especially men, who haven’t talked with a therapist before struggle with the same thoughts. Historically, society expected men to not express emotions - unless it was anger - and to not talk about how they feel. However, society's expectations of men, including their partner's expectations, are changing. Men are expected to be able to identify and express their emotions, to express their thoughts and desires, and engage in non-stereotyped gender roles. 

 

Suggestions from others to try therapy have sounded like a lot to confront. Deciding to bear the weight of problems alone again doesn’t work like it used to. It used to be easier to keep things to yourself by bottling up the increasingly intense feelings, not admitting them to anyone else, and trying to hide them from your mind as best you can. The problem has only gotten worse and it’s hard to not feel terrible or to keep it to yourself any more.

 

From the outside, those close to you may see you growing increasingly angry, irritable, or frustrated, with a short fuse that catches easily when things don’t go your way. You might see it in yourself, but find it difficult to stop from making demands of others or to prevent the intense irritations that spill over when things don’t turn out as you think they should. The criticisms from your partner, family, or friends, don’t help, but they do communicate, loud and clear, the need to make a change. 

You don't need to carry the weight of guilt, shame, and anger with you anymore. We can help.

How will Therapy help?

Therapy will give you the tools of thought and action that enable you to both identify as well as to address the unhelpful pattern at play in your specific situation. You will develop new strategies for overcoming common cognitive traps that will increase your ability to avoid the misdirection of your mental energies into guilt, shame, and other emotional dead ends. You will cultivate a sharper sense of self-awareness that allows you to realign your actions with your values. You will gain a keen grasp on the way in which emotions function in communication with others and how you can harness your strengths of thought to attune to others more effectively. Last, but surely not least, you will regain confidence in yourself!

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“You can’t go back and make a new start, but you can start right now and make a brand new ending.” — James R. Sherman, Ph. D.

Uncertain about starting therapy?

Uncertainty about starting therapy is a common concern people have when considering whether or not to start therapy. Of course attitudes toward therapy vary between people and cultures, but beyond fear there are many valid questions about the use and effectiveness of therapy in resolving your concerns. 

“Help, especially from a ‘shrink’, is weak, uncomfortable, and pointless.” 

A therapist might be better thought of as a consultant. As any other consultant, the therapist has a professional knowledge of the ways that thought, belief, emotion, and action function to come together into the patterns that shape a person’s life. In therapy, the process can be one that is directed by the therapist, but it is more effective when you direct it through a clear communication of the areas of difficulty you have encountered, what you have done to address it, and what you envision your desired outcome to be. Should you struggle to have these ideas clearly defined, your therapist will engage with you in the clarifications needed to make good use of your time, developing strategies for change along the way.

“How could telling a therapist how I feel help me not feel as bad?” 

Therapy is commonly thought to be an arrangement in which a person only talks through their emotion while the therapist nods or adds the occasional utterance, signaling the expectation for the client to talk through the remainder of their hour together. This cliché does a real disservice to the value of a therapeutic working relationship. While analyzing emotions directly is useful at points in the process, it is by no means the whole story. Emotions are only one piece of this puzzle, albeit an important one, but those emotions are shaped by our thoughts, beliefs, and actions. A therapist can help you cut the time it takes to reach your self-improvement goals, which frequently involve changes in one of these areas. As you might seek knowledge and guidance in other areas throughout your life, so too does the therapeutic process offer a chance to collaborate with a professional in the realm of life as a whole, to advance your goals of personal growth.

“I need to be the one that has it together. I can’t talk to a therapist.”

Understandably you may feel responsible for the happiness, well-being, and safety of the special people in your life. Being a reliable, protective presence in the lives of others is an immensely  important role to play. We all need someone to lean on at times. Even when it can be difficult to admit to ourselves or when we think they won’t be able to “solve” the problem we face, we benefit from the perspective of others. Perhaps you have been that person for someone else when they found themselves in a complex situation, facing choices that seemed impossible to make. Your perspective, guidance, and show of genuine concern for their working through the troubles in their way is very much like the kind of conversation you would find talking with a therapist. 

Therapists that Specialize in treating
Concerns that Men Experience

Let's rediscover your Bright Light.