Navigating the Holidays as an LGBTQIA+ Person: Tips for Survival

5 Tips to Reduce Holiday Stressors

The holidays can be complicated when you're LGBTQIA+. Maybe you're bracing for questions about your partner. Maybe you're worried about being misgendered at the dinner table. Or maybe you're just exhausted from everything happening in the world right now and don't know if you have it in you to deal with family dynamics on top of it all.

This year feels heavier for a lot of folks in the LGBTQIA+ community. With state legislatures across the country advancing bills that target LGBTQ rights: from healthcare restrictions to bathroom bans to censorship in schools. It's understandable if you're feeling vulnerable, angry, or just plain worn out.

You're not imagining it. The political climate is hostile right now. And that makes navigating family gatherings even harder, especially if you've got relatives who bring these topics to the table or who don't understand why any of this matters to you.

You deserve to protect your peace. Here's how.

Have a game plan

If you're already dreading the family gathering, you're ahead of the game. You're thinking it through. Use that. Make a plan now, while you can think clearly.

1. Get to know your values

Not every battle is yours to fight at Thanksgiving dinner. Figure out which conversations matter enough to you to speak up, and which ones you can let go.

Make a list of your values and rank them. If someone misgenders you repeatedly, that might be non-negotiable. If your uncle makes a comment about "those people," you might choose to respond or you might choose to walk away. Neither choice is wrong. It's about what feels right for you.

2. Get to know your triggers

Know what's going to set you off. Deadnaming? Questions about your body? Political rants about trans kids?

When you see it coming, have a plan. Will you excuse yourself? Change the subject? Take three deep breaths before responding? Put in your earbuds and listen to a playlist that grounds you?

Pay attention to what happens in your body when you're triggered. Heart racing? Hard to breathe? Take slow, deep breaths to calm your nervous system. Flooded with harsh thoughts about yourself? Step away. Notice the thoughts. Let them pass.

3. Get to know your boundaries

Once you know your values and triggers, decide on your boundaries. Some you'll keep to yourself. Some you'll say out loud.

A boundary you keep to yourself: I'll stay in the common areas but won't go anywhere alone with Dad.

A boundary you communicate: "I'm not discussing my medical decisions with you. Let's talk about something else."

If you're new to boundaries, it might feel uncomfortable. That's normal. Be clear and concise. Sometimes, "No" is a complete sentence. You don't owe anyone an explanation.

4. Know when to skip the gathering

Here's something important: you don't have to go.

If the gathering isn't safe...physically or emotionally, you can choose not to attend. Safety comes first. If you're at risk of being outed against your will, if there's a history of violence, if your mental health can't handle it right now, it's okay to say no.

Physical safety matters. If you feel unsafe, trust that feeling. You know your family better than anyone.

Emotional safety matters too. If the gathering is going to leave you feeling worse about yourself, depleted, or retraumatized, you're allowed to protect yourself by staying home.

This might be the first time you've made this choice. It might feel strange or guilt-inducing. But it's your choice to make.

5. During the visit

Give yourself grace. This is hard. It's okay for it to feel hard.

Take breaks when you need them. You can say, "I need some air" or "I'm going to take a walk." You don't need permission.

If you're stuck in your head worrying about what might happen next, try this: Look around the room. Name five things you see, four things you can touch, three things you hear, two things you smell, and one thing that's going well right now. This will ground you in the present moment.

And remember: you can leave early. If someone is disrespecting your identity, if the political conversation turns ugly, if it's just too much, you can go. You always have that choice.

5. After the visit

Before you go to the gathering, talk to your support system. Let them know you might need them. Ask for what you need: a text check-in during dinner? A phone call on your drive home?

After the visit, connect with someone who sees you. Even if that someone is your dog.

Reflect on what went well. Did you set a boundary for the first time? Did you use your grounding technique? Did you choose not to engage when your cousin brought up anti-trans legislation? Give yourself credit for that.

Do something you enjoy. Have it ready ahead of time. Cozy clothes and a comfort show. Your art supplies set up. A walk in your favorite place. Whatever helps you feel like yourself again.

Even if it didn't go perfectly, you tried. You practiced showing up for yourself. That matters. Need additional support, reach out to our us.

Contact Us

You're not alone

If you're in crisis or need support, these resources are here for you 24/7:

The Trevor Project: (866) 488-7386

Trans Lifeline: (877) 565-8860

The LGBT National Hotline: (888) 843-4564

The LGBT National Youth Talkline (ages 25 and under): (800) 246-7743

Crisis Text Line: Text START to 741-741

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 988

You deserve to feel safe. You deserve to be seen as who you are. And if your family can't give you that right now, it's okay to create distance and find your people who can.

Disclaimer

Our content is on and related to the topic of mental health. The content is general information that may or may not apply to you. The content is not a substitute for professional services. This website does not contain professional advice, nor is any professional-client relationship established with you through your use of this website.