How to Handle the Holidays When You Don’t Get Along With Your Partner’s Family
- Bright Light Counseling Center
- Dec 15
- 3 min read
The holidays are supposed to be “the most wonderful time of the year,” but they can also be some of the most stressful.
Between travel, traditions, and time spent with family, tensions that simmer quietly the rest of the year can bubble to the surface. And if you and your partner’s family don’t exactly see eye to eye? The holidays can feel more like survival mode than celebration.
You are not alone, and you are not doomed to spend every holiday counting down the minutes until it is over. With a little awareness, communication, and boundary-setting, you can make it through the season with your sanity and relationship intact.
First, Acknowledge What Is True
It is okay to admit it: you do not have to love your partner’s family. You just have to respect them and find a way to coexist peacefully during family gatherings.
Maybe you feel judged, left out, or criticized. Maybe there is a history of passive-aggressive comments or conflicting values. Whatever the reason, pretending those feelings do not exist only builds resentment.
Take a moment to name how you feel and then talk about it with your partner. The goal is not to complain; it is to build understanding and a plan together.
Talk to Your Partner Before the Visit
Before the family gathering, sit down and have a calm, honest conversation with your partner. The goal here is not to vent but to collaborate.
Be specific about what triggers stress. Maybe it is a certain topic of conversation, a relative’s comments, or the feeling of being an outsider. Then, discuss what kind of support you need. That might look like a shared signal if you need a break, agreeing to step in if family tension rises, or deciding on how long you will stay.
When you approach it as a team, it reinforces your partnership instead of letting family conflict divide you.
Set Clear and Kind Boundaries
Boundaries are not about being rude. They are about protecting peace.
If certain topics like politics or parenting always cause friction, agree ahead of time not to engage. If you need space, it is okay to take a walk or offer to help in the kitchen.
Boundaries can sound like “I would love to talk about something else” or “I appreciate your concern, but we have got it handled.” These are calm, respectful ways to create distance without adding fuel to the fire.
Do Not Make Your Partner the Middleman
It is tempting to expect your partner to “fix” the dynamic between you and their family, but that can put them in a tough position.
Instead, focus on what you can control: your reactions, your tone, and how you take care of yourself during the visit. If issues come up that truly need to be addressed, talk to your partner privately, not in front of family.
Find Shared Ground
You may never become best friends with your partner’s family, but finding small areas of connection can make things easier. Look for neutral topics, like cooking, pets, travel, or holiday traditions. Even simple kindnesses can shift the tone of an interaction.
Create Time for Just the Two of You
Amid all the family gatherings, make sure you and your partner carve out some time alone, even if it is just a coffee run or a late-night walk. Those moments give you both a chance to decompress and reconnect as a couple.
Get Support When You Need It
Navigating challenging family dynamics can put real strain on your relationship. Therapy can help you figure out how to strengthen your connection now, so you can navigate the holidays with better communication and a more secure bond. You do not need to wait until something feels “wrong” to benefit from counseling together.
Ready to invest in your relationship? Contact us today to schedule an appointment. We work with individuals who want to to strengthen communication, set healthy boundaries, and build resilience in their relationships.
Disclaimer: Our content is on and related to the topic of mental health. The content is general information that may or may not apply to you. The content is not a substitute for professional services. This website does not contain professional advice, nor is any professional-client relationship established with you through your use of this website.
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